Skinny Minnie

bendoeslife:

Sister: What’s wrong?
Ben: My Tumblarity. It dropped 30 points in five minutes…
Sister: What?
Ben: You wouldn’t understand.

Ha!  Yes.

one-twenty-five:

Firstly, I made an interesting (sad?) discovery about myself this weekend, which will most likely come off incredibly bizarre to each of you, but whatevs that’s just how I roll: I am constantly in an intense one-man competition with people around me to eat food.  It’s like I think “omigosh, I better eat some [insert bad food here] before other people eat it and there’s none left.”  It’s terrible.  I’m constantly tense and on alert when food is around, because heaven-forbid someone else gets to the chocolate almonds first, and I never in my life get another opportunity to eat them.  I’m constantly living the modern day’s survival of the fattest game; every man for himself.

Ugh, this is totally me.  Especially around my family because any time something delicious comes into our house, both my dad and my little sister turn into vacuums and it’s gone in 24 hours.   Must stop this!!

one-twenty:

one-twenty-five:

(Via cajunkate:)

Y.E.S.

one-twenty-five:

See how I did that? I made my legs look skinny(ish) by shoving all the lard down the middle.  Ahh yes, the joys of trick photography.

I’ve wanted to post about my thunder thighs for sometime now as I’ve recently had a mini-little victory in and of myself….

I don’t get chub-rub any more. I know! Spectacular! Spectacular!  For all those lucky bastards out there who don’t know what chub-rub is, consider yourself very lucky (and skinny).

As our dear friends at urban-dictionary describe it, chub-rub is “what fat girls experience when their inner-upper thighs rub together so much they get chaffed and rashes break out.”  Yes; That’s it. It hurts like a bitch and I used to avoid skirts and short shorts on hot days purely for this reason, but NO MORE!

I went for a long walk in a flowy skirt and after about 2 hours I still had no chub-rub. Quite the accomplishment, if I do say so myself!

Oh happy day!

Jealous!  I still carry baby powder with me for that very reason.

I’m pulling an E and posting an anonymized (yes, I just made that word up) picture of myself because I am APPALLED at what is going on here.

This is me, stuffing my face a few weeks ago at the Braves game with a 7 dollar foot-long hot dog.  Note the double-chin action and the flabby arms.

Good GOD this is disgusting!  I am going to print this picture out and put it on my fridge as a gentle screaming reminder not to eat disgusting things that will go straight to my chin.  Ew.

I’m drinking this right now.  It looks like a beer, it’s made like a beer, but it tastes like a fruity soft drink.  And it only has 70 calories!  All organic, too.